Over the past 4 months i have been in Costa Rica, Guatemala, Albania, and Greece. With each passing week, month, season, God has been taking me through the process of learning to surrender more of myself. To surrender all, to recognize, accept, and rest in my full dependency on Jesus. From my time in Costa Rica through Guatemala, Father kept encouraging and reminding me to not lose heart and to be of good courage, to be strong and courageous because He is with me wherever i go. Nevertheless, my response was often “I know” and, unfortunately, my “I know” became a wall in my heart. In His great mercy and love, Father walked me through a time of undoing. Yet, in the shaking, my continued stubbornness resulted in a rough patch of feeling numb. Low and heartbroken, Father once again picked me up and showed me another glimpse into the intimately knowable and unimaginable room of His heart— wholeness in the fullness of His love! By actively letting go and not holding so tightly to pain, control, emotions, thoughts, worries, questions... i have experienced such a tender peace. I am ever so thankful for Father's consistent loving patience with me as i learn to trust Him with everything.

Ending my time in Albania, Holy Spirit kept telling me in a quiet whisper to “saturate”. After taking time to soak myself in His waters, I felt such a sweet refreshment come over me. At the same time, growing in intimacy with Holy Spirit has made my heart feel sorrowful when feeling His groanings for the lost and the hurting. He is such a special, faithful friend that loves so incredibly deeply… and to feel even a second of His intense weeping intercession is enough to shake us to our core. Through this whole process, I see how the Lord is turning my “I know” to an “i don’t understand” and i am very grateful for His correction. The more awareness of being in His presence, actively sitting at the feet of Jesus, abiding in His fellowship at every moment, the greater intimacy, the greater friendship, the greater transformation in love, the greater power, the greater fervency for evangelism and sharing the good news. 

In Matthew 26:36-46, in a time when Jesus expressed His soul was sorrowful, He invited His closest disciples to remain and watch with Him (v.38). However, the 3 disciples fell asleep. Today we have the same communion with Holy Spirit as the disciples had with Jesus. Let us not ignore Holy Spirit when he invites us to pray with Him, or when He simply wants to spend intentional time with us. The Lord invites His beloved to remain, watch, and pray with Him; a most beautiful communion.

“Therefore He [Jesus] is able also to save to the uttermost (completely, perfectly, finally, and for all time and eternity) those who come to God through Him, since He is always living to make petition to God and intercede with Him and intervene for them.”

Hebrews 7:25 AMPC